


eyes closed

by chogiwarned



Series: golden tr(age)dy [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: (kinda), (the ending's quite open), 2jin are brothers, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Heavy Angst, Kim Seungmin is Jeongin's best friend, Kinda, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, also warnings are a bit extreme but better safe than sorry, and kind of dubious consent, anyway, because my baby's a genius, but it can be skipped, but not really, but poorly written, fdjkhdf im sorry, it's for minsung, it's really dramatic like, jeongin has grade-skipped, lapslock because i'm lazy, like hyunjin's apollo and jeongin's icarus, mmm, platonic seungmin/jeongin, side hyunjin/changbin, the main pairing is hyunin, the others are barely even there, there's a teeny tiny bit of smut i think idk, update, well they're drunk so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-06 21:45:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16395659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chogiwarned/pseuds/chogiwarned
Summary: “somehow, they’re always out of phase - there’re feelings scattered on the floor like broken glass and they cut themselves when they try to pick it up; jeongin’s fingers covered in old scars while new ones are shaping hyunjin’s hands. somehow, it’s a glitch when they meet - 3a.m and the stars as their only witnesses. hyunjin has love spelled on his collarbones and jeongin exhales strong and independent.”or, jeongin falls in love, and realizes that falling feels a whole lot like flying.





	1. so far, so good

**Author's Note:**

> oh boy  
> i've never been this excited i'm SHAKING  
> anyway hello guys hope you're doing okay if you're not hmu ill punch satan in the face  
> remember this angsty project i had a few.... weeks? months? ago  
> well it's finally out!!! the first part, i mean because yES this will have like. 4 works, all chaptered  
> i'm already deep inside woojin's part like maybe halfway but i'm not gonna sPOIL anything  
> this one's hyunjin/jeongin, and it's supposed to be a modern icarus/apollo but i don't think it's that obvious or even important, i'm just using it as ref  
> **bref**  
> i don't really know if i'm that satisfied about the first chap, i wrote it like, ages ago and now it's kind of rusty but,,,, it'll get better eventually i'm sorry  
> so!!! this'll have three chapters and they're all written already, i'm gonna update this saturday then tuesday i think idk maybe i'll update it like tomorrow because i'm excited  
> let me know if you've enjoyed it in the comments<333 well its not mandatory ofc but im kind of insecure uwu  
> AS ALWAYS im french so my english's not that good  
> ill stop talking now please forgive my rambling  
> mouack (< its the sound of a kiss)

 

> **chapter I** : _jusqu’ici tout va bien (so far, so good)_

* * *

the first time jeongin sees hyunjin is at the beginning of their first high school year. he’s a messy and anxious freshman, while hyunjin seems already at ease and he _glows_. jeongin thinks he sees the sun hitting him in all the right places and he looks holy and divine when their eyes cross and there’s a soft smile dancing on his lips. jeongin’s shoulder blades sting, as though wings were trying to spring out of them. he adjusts his bag on his back and calls seungmin.

 

the first time they speak is a few days later, when their first school project is assigned. it appears that seungmin knows jisung, who knows hyunjin. they group together and jeongin feels a lot like burning when his crush looks at him so intensely -- as if he was trying to look into his soul and to find each and every dirty secret he’s been keeping buried inside him.

“hi,” and it’s so simple and whispered while jisung messes around with seungmin and jeongin’s tongue tangles itself when he tries to answer, so his _hello_ gets stuck on his lips and it seems like he’s choking on air. it’s ridiculous and it makes hyunjin laugh but it also makes him pat the younger’s back and suddenly it’s worth the embarrassment. hyunjin’s fingers burn like melted wax on jeongin’s shoulder blades, but he doesn’t mind.

 

“so, how old are you? you’re calling us hyung, did you grade-skip?” they’re both seated in the corner of the library, sipping on lukewarm tea and feigning to revise for their study project. jeongin nods weakly and licks his braces-bitten lips, “yeah. i skipped first grade ‘cause i already knew how to read.” he actually learned how to during summer holidays, wanting nothing more than to stay with seungmin at school. seungmin helped him and, somehow, he succeeded -- they stayed together ever since. “that’s awesome!” it’s a little loud and the librarian shushes them and hyunjin apologizes with red-colored ear tips and jeongin finds it so beautiful that he brushes them with a soft smile adorning his face.

 

the air between them shifts a little when he does so and suddenly they’re friends. the kind with stolen touches, lingering gazes and words of praise whispered in the dead of night. the kind with way too much sleepovers, the kind that call mrs. yang and hwang “mom” by mistake and gets all flustered afterwards. the kind that knows the way from school to one another houses by heart and forgets his own path. the kind with midnight calls and secrets hushed in front of the stars.

 

jeongin is flying and painfully unaware of his downfall to come. for now he feels divine, as if the pang of dull pain in his back is caused by the invisible wings that lead him to hyunjin. there’s salt behind his teeth, he thinks it’s because he misses busan and the sea. he promises himself to take hyunjin there, someday.

 

hyunjin is, at the very least, bold. he seems to know what he wants, and is definitively ready to get it -- that’s why, tonight, when they’re at jisung’s and plan to watch some movies, he plops next to jeongin on the couch and entangles their fingers, smiling down at him when their eyes cross. it tightens something in jeongin’s chest and he gets dizzy with the altitude, the flight speeding up as hyunjin’s thumb draws patterns on the back of his hand.

 

it’s always so discreet and goes unnoticed, in the dark of the living room, as jeongin falls asleep with his head on hyunjin’s lap and jisung is snoring on his chair. but there’s seungmin, all soft locks and sweet smiles, at first lost in the movie; there’s seungmin and soon enough he catches a glimpse of hyunjin’s countenance, he sees how the boy looks at jeongin. he doesn’t like what he sees, but stays quiet. he’ll speak later.

 

later comes a little sooner than expected, when seungmin decides to sleep over at jeongin’s. they’re laying down on his bed, counting the fluorescent stars on his ceiling and there’s small confessions that spill out of their mouths. “i think i love hyunjin.” jeongin’s squeezing his fingers a little painfully and there’s so much insecurity in his words that seungmin just rolls over and throws an arm around the younger boy. “be careful, innie. he’s not the kind to play nice. i’m afraid he’ll break you.” it’s whispered next to his ear and seungmin’s gentle voice sends shivers of warning in jeongin’s backbone. he’s warned, but he’s also a little bit arrogant. he’s toug, he thinks -- hyunjin can’t break him.

 

the next shift in their relationship begins at the heart of his older brother woojin’s birthday party. it starts with, like, a hundred students all packed in the living room, dancing the night away and drinking expensive beer in red cups. the music buzzes in jeongin’s ears and he doesn’t like it but the beer, the beer tastes good-bitter and strikes him and suddenly he’s all over hyunjin, whining about the buzzing feeling in his eardrums and the dull aftertaste on his tongue.

“i could kiss it away for you.” that’s how they both realize they’re really drunk, as hyunjin re-adjusts the younger boy on his lap and swipes a swift thumb on his lips, a giddy smile on his own. jeongin blinks and short-circuits somewhere between the thumb and the press of a mouth against his own.

 

it starts a bit innocent, just a tender caress he barely feels -- but then hyunjin’s licking his bottom lip and it tears a moan out of his throat and forces him to part his mouth. that’s the first mistake, allowing hyunjin to lick into it; he thrusts his tongue and traps jeongin’s with it and it shoots fireworks in his stomach and he tries to wiggle a bit but it’s another mistake because hyunjin presses his fingers against his hips and jeongin feels too much, he can’t breathe anymore even when hyunjin backs off a little. his lips are red and puffy and his cheeks, god his cheeks are so flushed he seems to be really fucking sick -- but maybe jeongin’s the sick one because he finds it too beautiful and there’s a shot of boldness that forces words out of his mouth.

“let’s go to your room.”

 

the rest of the night is a blur -- he just remembers the sharp pain of being taken and hickeys blossoming on his neck and chest and then it’s soft and when hyunjin peppers kisses all along his collarbones, jeongin thinks it’s worth being hurt. he soon realizes it’s always like that with hyunjin: sharp pain that cuts through his heart and mind and then something, a little spark that makes it seem as though it was all worth it.

 

somewhere deep in winter, along with hot chocolate-filled cups and sugar-coated fingers, jeongin finds the strength to confess. they’re in a heavily heated cafe and their hands are tangled, a bit sweaty but not enough to be disgusting; hyunjin is rubbing soothing circles on jeongin’s hand and somehow he feels it in the air. the thick atmosphere of _now or never_ and the stress from keeping it bottled up for a few months make him blurt out a few words and, afterwards, regret them. “hyunjin, i think i like you - like, a lot.”

 

hyunjin just smiles and kisses his palm with warm, plump lips and jeongin thinks it feels right to have him. he feels like flying, once again; he always felt like flying when it came to hyunjin.

 

some girls in high school whisper a lot about hyunjin. they say he’s like the sun itself, that there’s ichor running through his veins. that he bleeds holy and that gold drips from his lips when he talks -- they say humans are not fit for him, that he’d burned each and every person that came near him.

so, when he comes with jeongin’s hand hidden in his, they’re the new talk of the town. hums of them having sex at woojin’s party echo through the day and a few students shoot jeongin dirty looks. he’s dating a god, he should have known better.

but jeongin’s bold and, somehow, a little foolish. dad always said that falling felt a lot like flying. maybe jeongin was never flying -- maybe he was falling since then, and just didn’t notice it.

 

 **04:29 a.m, seungmin (unsent)** : _i’m afraid_

 **04:30 a.m, seungmin (unsent)** : _boys like him promise the sun_

 **04:30 a.m, seungmin (unsent)** : _boys like him will break you down_

 **05:06 a.m, seungmin (unsent)** : _i don’t want to bury you alive_

 **05:07 a.m, jeongin (unsent)** : _you won’t have to. i’m already six feet under_

 

their first month is spent with sweet kisses and late-night stories, with gloved hands-holding and a few coffees sprinkled on frosty days. jeongin stutters every two minutes and hyunjin wipes the residues of whipped cream stuck on the corner of his mouth. they spend a few nights together and jeongin gets familiar with the softness of hyunjin’s lips on his burning skin, peppering hickeys on his stomach; it feels a lot like liquid wax, hot and slippery and so, so good on him. they discover together and sometimes it looks like a myth the way jeongin flies. it tastes like a dream with too much music and too little memories and he feels divine he feels immortal, like he could swallow the world raw.

 

their second month is filled with promises and jeongin reaches for the sky in hyunjin’s arms. they count the stars at night and jeongin whispers the next day that hyunjin shines brighter than the sun. he’s holy, he’s supposed to _be_ the sun - and jeongin burns against it, but he can’t bring himself to care. that’s how it feels, to be in love. burowski once said _find what you love, and let it kill you_ . but jeongin’s still sure hyunjin wouldn’t kill him, even with hands around his throat and a knife cutting _murder_ on his milky skin.

  


they say that all dreams come to an end, eventually. jeongin’s is rough and painful and stains blood on his bedsheets. it dawns on him with a toothy grin and black eyes with gold sprinkled in them. it comes in the form of a sweet, sweet golden boy, sun-kissed and so beautiful he looks holy, inhuman. jeongin cuts himself on the edges of a crime scene -- a girl splayed out on hyunjin’s sheets, getting used to the feeling of his plum lips on her ivory skin. there’s hickeys and sweat on her chest and it feels familiar and foreign at the same time. jeongin shuts the door with trembling hands and watered eyes.

 

a couple hours later, tucked in seungmin’s arms and nursing a cup of hot chocolate, he hears the incessant buzzing of his phone and ignores it, glaring at it as he tells him the soft, bittersweet story of his downfall. there’s a french movie, with vincent cassel in it, that pictures it all. “do you know _la haine_ ?” seungmin asks with a tender voice, fingers combing through the younger’s hair. “there’s a story in that movie. it’s about a man that’s falling down a skyscraper. he falls and falls and every time he passes a level, he whispers _jusqu’ici tout va bien_ , which means so far so good. in the end, when you’re falling, it’s not the fall that matters, it’s the landing.” his timbre soothes jeongin and somehow he feels like he could fall asleep, cheeks red from crying too much and eyes so puffy he can barely keep them open. “yeah, you’re right.”

 

this landing is harsh and it cuts heartbreak between his bones. “but you’ll get over it. you’re like a cat, honey. you’ve fallen on your feet and, even if it hurts, you’ll recover eventually.” there’s an _i’ll be there the whole time_ unsaid, lingering in the air. jeongin hears it anyway and sips on his hot chocolate. he’ll get over it.

he takes the phone and blocks the number trying to reach him.

 

 **01:49 a.m, hyunjin** : hey

 **01:51 a.m, hyunjin** : come on

 **01:51 a.m, hyunjin** : are you still angry about it?

 **02:03 a.m, hyunjin** : is it about the girl? she doesn’t mean anything

 **02:47 a.m, hyunjin** : jeongin please

_[the number you’re trying to reach is out of order.]_


	2. lukewarm coffees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i realized the gensum was in this chap so here u go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO FELLOW STAYS, IT IS I  
> so i don't have much to say except that im!!! very excited to post this chap  
> i kinda like it more than the 1st one, probs because it's like, less old and also longer  
> anywayyyy i hope you'll like it<333 also im sorry nd i promise the 3rd one is kinda better  
> well at least the end is less angsty i guess,,,,

> chapter II:  _ lukewarm coffees _

 

hyunjin didn’t mean to hurt him - hell, he hadn’t even realized he was hurting him, until jeongin had blocked each and every of his attempts to call him, to  _ see him _ . it doesn’t happen until the beginning of their second year; hyunjin is scarred and his pride  _ aches _ , two months’ worth of anxiety washing over him as he notices the younger boy, all toothy smiles and light shoulders. there’s seungmin clinging to his side and his teeth shine like stars. hyunjin doesn’t like the stars.

 

he strides before them and his eyes are sharp and his lips are thin when he smiles; it’s all fake, it’s all wrong. “hi jeonginnie, you didn’t answer my calls…” there’s a dash of insecurity that drips from his curled-up mouth and it sounds so foreign that even hyunjin himself doesn’t recognise it. jeongin shudders, seungmin’s hold on his arm tightens.

 

“yeah, he didn’t. there’s a reason, dumbass.” it’s rushed and agressive - it bites at hyunjin’s soul and hatred shines in seungmin’s glare. he gets the message and tries to leave but jeongin, sweet  _ sweet  _ jeongin shoots him a sad smile and beats him to it, dragging a fuming brown-haired boy with him. hyunjin fists his own shirt; a dirty, dull sensation tries to eat him up and his heart is churning inside his ribcage, as if asking for an other to fill in the gaps. it’s raw and he burns on the feeling.

 

***

 

it takes three days of hyunjin not going to school for jeongin to unblock his number, effectively disobeying seungmin’s orders. he’s in his bed, scraping pages with anxiety-ridden prose and salty words that bite at his skin and spells murder on his bones. he feels empty and bruised and ichor drips on his fingers when he types his message.

 

**02:12 a.m, jeongin** : why don’t you come to school anymore

**02:13 a.m, jeongin (unsent)** :  _ i wish i could hate you _

**02:13 a.m, jeongin (unsent)** :  _ i wish i could resent you _

**02:14 a.m, jeongin (unsent)** :  _ instead i miss you so much it hurts _

 

**02:14 a.m, hyunjin (unsent)** :  _ i know _

**02:15 a.m, hyunjin (unsent)** :  _ i know _

**02:15 a.m, hyunjin (unsent)** :  _ i feel it too _

**02:21 a.m, hyunjin** : why do you care

 

they’re walking on thin glass and jeongin bites his lips and cuts it with braced-teeth - the taste of blood runs along his tongue and it seems oddly familiar, the sting feeling like a long-lost lover. he embraces it as hyunjin’s name flashes on his phone, the ringtone splitting his ears in the quiet of his room. he picks up and braces himself for misery and love.

 

_ ”hey. it’s been a while.” _ his voice is strained over the phone, white noise filling the gaps of his words. jeongin closes his eyes; if he thinks hard enough, he can imagine them laying in bed, with hyunjin peppering soft kisses along his collarbones and himself slitting his throat over their lies.

“yeah. what’s up?” there’s so much more hidden behind those dull words, each syllable laced with wonder and want and the stinging pain of being scared of everything.

_ ”not much. i tried to call you, like, a thousand times this summer. why now?” _ inside is a  _ do you pity me that much _ that jeongin ignores, licking his lips out of nervousness and sadness.

“i felt like forgiving you.” softly whispered through the mic and into hyunjin’s ear, a secret that neither seungmin nor jeongin himself knew. he counts four beats before hyunjin clears his throat, his own so constricted it’s becoming hard to breathe.  _ “yeah?” _ he nods uselessly, words stuck on the tip of his tongue - there’s a weak  _ yes _ that makes it out and hyunjin barely hears it but he does, and it changes everything.

_ “meet me in 10 at the park near your house.” _

 

jeongin feels brave enough. the weight of sorrow and grief get lifted off his shoulders and a smile dares to cut through his lips when he agrees and hangs up, sighing in confidence and, deep down, relief. there’s the faint sound of his heart clenching when he puts his jacket on and the click of the door echoes the scraping of his ribcage snapping shut.

on the other side, hyunjin’s is ripped open and it’s a dull kind of pain, clawing at his skin and threatening to burst it open.

 

somehow, they’re always out of phase - there’re feelings scattered on the floor like broken glass and they cut themselves when they try to pick it up; jeongin’s fingers covered in old scars while new ones are shaping hyunjin’s hands. somehow, it’s a glitch when they meet - 3a.m and the stars as their only witnesses. hyunjin has love spelled on his collarbones and jeongin exhales strong and independent.

 

“hi.” they’re a foot apart and their souls ache for some sort of contact and it’s  _ painful _ when jeongin takes a step back, hands fished in his jacket’s pockets and a polite smile gracing his bitten lips. hyunjin shivers, but hopes. he licks his lips, rubs his nose. “so, you’re going to forgive me?” he motions him to sit on a bench and once again there’s a burning distance between them, awkwardness dripping from each and every gesture.

 

jeongin nods, shy and precious and unsure. “why didn’t you go to school, hyunjin?” it’s heavy and it lingers in the air, silence filling the gaps. he counts four beats. “i wasn’t feeling well.” “was it because of me?” it’s bold and kind of presumptous but the flinch in hyunjin’s shoulders confirms it and light sorrow washes over the youngest. he doesn’t pity him for being weak - he pities him for being too late. he inhales; this is going to be painful.

 

“listen hyunjin, i didn’t mean that i wanted us to get back together. i’m not even sure if there ever was a  _ us _ .” period - he lets his words sink in, cut through hyunjin’s heart. he doesn’t believe there’s anything but a black hole inside his chest, anyway. “i meant that i want us to be friends.” there it is: the sweet, harmless desire to be a good person, to hold out a hand for a friend to take. he doesn’t hear hyunjin’s bones breaking but, in a way, he feels it. “though i’d understand if you didn’t want to.”

 

it’s more tender and insecurity crawls on his spine but suddenly there’s a hand on his and two big, glistening eyes bravely looking right at him. “no, you’re right. we should try.” it’s a bit reckless and rushed and hyunjin’s lips are swollen from all the biting - jeongin wants to soothe them with his thumb and almost,  _ almost _ does it.

they part ways a few minutes later with the empty promise of letting the other know how things are going, some  _ i love you _ ’s lost between the first  _ hi _ and the last  _ take care _ .

 

***

 

they fall into some kind of routine; too much texts in a day to be healthy and platonic, gazes lingering too long for a simple friendship. they’re having lunch with a bunch of friends - jisung and minho, if jeongin recalls correctly - and woojin, hyunjin’s brother. there’s also felix but he doesn’t speak a lot, busy with drawing woojin’s portrait on a worn-out page of his notebook.

“so, jeongin, how’s high school so far?” woojin’s voice tears him out of his soft bubble and it paints a shy smile on his face, the sudden attention biting at his skin. “it’s… messy, i guess. more than i would’ve thought.” there’s so much hiding under his words and hyunjin flinches but he pretends to not notice, holding seungmin’s hand and counting the lashes on his eyelids for distraction. “yeah, it’s kinda hard to take to the student way of life, huh.” laughters fill the silence and hyunjin’s stare is heavy on jeongin but he doesn’t mind, he looks right back at him and shoots a gentle smile - he’s strong enough, with seungmin by his side, squeezing his fingers and whispering praises in his ear.

 

hyunjin tries, he tries  _ hard _ to be what jeongin wants him to be - and that’s how he makes another mistake, young and selfish and way too proud. they share these sins, both too conceited to bare their thoughts.

 

it happens at a party at hyunjin’s, just like how they fell in love. it’s full of drunk students and seungmin is dancing in the middle of the living room and hyunjin’s brother, woojin, shoves felix against a wall to kiss him silly - everyone is making out and jeongin’s walking between them and he feels divine, a red cup in this left hand and a joint on the other. he’s high and has drunk way too much to be just tipsy and later he’ll blame each and every mistake on the booze coursing through his veins. for now he’s shuffling close to hyunjin and suddenly his cup is empty and his hand is sneaking up hyunjin’s shirt. “hey, beautiful.”

 

it’s all kinds of wrong but sounds so good on his tongue, especially when he whispers it in the other’s mouth - he tries to convince himself that hyunjin’s as drunk as him but his strokes are too sharp and the way he squeezes jeongin’s hips is too firm for him to be dizzy. just a little liquid courage on his side and in a blink they’re upstairs, all tangled limbs and carelessly thrown clothes. they kiss, and the sky screams murder.

  
  


when he wakes up, it’s to the sound of cars driving - the sunlight is yellow and bites red on the edges. he blinks, but jeongin’s gone. the bedsheets are creased and there’s dried cum and sweat on his body. he takes a shower and tries to ignore the whispers, as he scrubs his skin so hard he paints it red.  _ here he kissed you _ , as he brushes his teeth.  _ here he bit you _ , when he rinces his neck.  _ here he fucked you _ , with the sheets thrown in the washing machine and the bedsprings whining under his weight.

there’s a paper on his bedside table and messy handwriting spells  _ it was a mistake, we were drunk, i’m sorry _ and it slashes through hyunjin’s skin, drawing a bitter smile on his still swollen but sweet-tasty mouth.

 

**11:16 a.m, hyunjin** : just saw your note

**11:16 a.m, hyunjin (unsent)** :  _ i wasn’t drunk _

**11:17 a.m, hyunjin (unsent)** :  _ i was in love _

**11:17 a.m, hyunjin (unsent)** :  _ i still am _

**11:19 a.m, hyunjin** : it’s okay, it didn’t mean anything to me either

**11:19 a.m, hyunjin** : hope you made it home safely.

 

he doesn’t wait for an answer, shuts his phone down and throws it across the room. he doesn’t cry either, just angrily bites at his lips and nails and thumb. he’s aching with something new and it’s too deep to be meaningless anger, to be a mere hurt pride - it’s love and it burns his flesh and breaks his bones.

 

that’s how he spends the day, curled up in his bed and ignoring his family happily existing downstairs - that’s how woojin finds him, a couple hours later, with the rim of his eyes red and his palms sticky with nail-induced blood stains. “hey lil’ brother, what’s wrong?” it’s soft yet commanding, daring hyunjin to just answer  _ nothing _ and blottle up his feelings.

 

“everything, i guess.” the elder laughs gently and sits down next to his brother, stroking his hair and waiting for him to elaborate. “i think i’m in love. is it supposed to hurt this much? does it hurt you, to love felix?” a soft, sad smile graces woojin’s lips and his fingers graze hyunjin’s cheeks, sighing. “no, hyun. it only hurts because you think he doesn’t love you.” and it bears so much hope that it makes hyunjin want to puke but he swallows it all - pride, doubtfulness and everything that lies in between. “yeah, i guess you’re right.”

_ what’s the moon supposed to do when the sun aches? is she to ache with him, or to lift him up? _ it’s silent and woojin’s fingers lull hyunjin back to sleep - he leaves when he’s sure his little brother is safe and tucked in under his blanket, kissing him goodnight and wishing high school life wasn’t that complicated.

 

***

 

“you fucked up.” it’s flat and true and it makes jeongin bite at his nail, trying to will his guilt away. seungmin’s holding back a laugh and it’s kind of rude but jeongin doesn’t blame him, trying to hide the purple hickeys blossoming on his neck. “was it always that wild between you? it looks like you’ve been molested by a wolf pack.” “shut up, min. i don’t want to remember.” bullshit, when he thinks about it - he remembers it all, definitely not enough drunk to blame it on alcohol or even weed.

 

his phone pings with a notification and hyunjin’s words are empty yet laced with disdain - it’s frustrating when it should be reassuring, the assurance that there won’t be any weird shit between them drowned by the disgusting feeling of being meaningless. “see? it didn’t mean anything for any of us. i’m okay, seungmin, we were just smashed drunk and kind of high. and  _ you _ were making out with some random chick in the corner of the room, so you’re also to blame.”

he dodges a pillow and lurches on the laughing boy, tickling him until he begs for mercy and confesses that he’s one hell of a shitty best friend.

they laugh and it feels right, yet wrong at the same time.

 

in a way, they’re dancing around each other - there’s a  _ hi _ thrown every now and then, texted or whispered right before math class. it’s all rushed and they’re both scared to face each other; hyunjin because he wants to be what jeongin wants him to be (a friend) and jeongin because he doesn’t want to accept what’s eating him away, every time he sees hyunjin laughing with someone else. somehow, it works.

until changbin gets in the picture.

 

changbin is, in short, beautiful. he’s got those fake grunge emo vibes that attracts attention and he’s so fucking  _ shy _ it makes everyone kind of jittery and dazy. woojin would say that he’s scary, until he opens his mouth and scrambles over a few words. that’s what draws hyunjin in - his awkward,  _ i want to die _ vibes. and changbin isn’t one to deny attention or affection, especially from the school’s prince; they end up hooking up, and then, something more.

 

“they’re dating.” seungmin always has the right word, pointing out their laced fingers with his fork - mouth filled with rice and a frown knitting his eyebrows. “that’s to be expected, you dork. hyunjin was flirting with him for, like, two weeks.” he wasn’t that patient with the others - except jeongin. he’d been so,  _ so _ patient with jeongin. that’s what makes it hurt even more, as the latter shoves pizza inside his mouth, secretly hoping to choke on it.

 

he’s okay, he was prepared for that. after all, he’s supposed to be friends with hyunjin - he should support him. “bullshit.” felix pops and it’s perhaps the first time jeongin hears him talk; he’s frowning too and sits down next to the two younger boys, stealing a slice of pizza from jeongin’s plate and slowly munching on it. “you’re so not okay with this, i could feel you throwing daggers at changbin from the other side of the room.”

 

seungmin chokes on a laugh and jeongin whispers  _ karma’s a bitch _ but he can’t ignore felix and there’s a whole lot of pride when he speaks, snorting and smiling wickedly. “you don’t know anything, felix. i’m totally fine with hyunjin dating someone, we’re just fucking friends. now if you’ll excuse me, i have to go and study.” it ruins the fake truth lacing his words when he gets up a little too fast to be natural, when he leaves without waiting for seungmin and swallows around the lump in his throat.

jeongin was never a good actor - but this time, he’ll manage.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!!!  
> this is the "last" chap for hyunin's part. so, how was it? fdjkh idk tell me i wanna know  
> this chapter is the longest (like half the total i think) but i still think it's kind of rushed. however!! i think i like this one  
> also, trigger warnings: a bit of graphic violence (there's like 2 fights and they're rough) nd like. 2 words of reference to people having sex (hyunjin/jeongin nd hyunjin/changbin). there is no actual smut, however they indeed did the do, i'm sorry lol  
> also², im sorry for changbin. i love this baby nd im gonna spoil him with his part but,,, he has to start off with this  
> the way they act in this fic does NOT depicts how i think they are in real life, i want this to be clear. i love them please don't hate me for writing teenagers making mistakes

> chapter III:  _ burnt matches _

 

**thursday, 02:34 a.m, hyunjin:** i haven’t seen you in a while (read.)

**friday, 05:43 p.m, hyunjin:** are you okay? (read.)

**friday, 00:26 a.m, hyunjin:** are you fucking ignoring me again? (read.)

**saturday, 01:12 a.m, hyunjin:** you know what, fuck you.  (read.)

 

if you ask him, anger made him do it. that’s what draws him to changbin’s house at three a.m in late august, even though there’s not a sprinkle of love between them. that’s what makes him bare the boy, layer after layer, biting marks on his back and spelling his name between his ribs - that’s what forces him to tug on his hair as they come, messy and sticky with sweat.

 

that’s what makes him corner jeongin on monday morning, eyes flashing red and nails scratching at his palms. “what the fuck is wrong with you, jeongin? last year you called me wanting to be friends with me and now you’re back to ignoring me?” it’s full of hate and something like hurt but it’s fucking monday and jeongin spent all summer trying not to lose any of his shattered parts, and now he snaps.

 

“you’ve been ignoring me first! you think i haven’t noticed you looking at me? i know you love me hyunjin, but you had to fucking go and fuck this emo kid. don’t look at me like it’s my fault, you brought this upon yourself.” he tries to open his locker but hyunjin’s hand slaps it closed and the tension climbs higher and higher, both fuming. “ _ excuse me? _ you wanted to be  _ friends _ , jeongin! what was i supposed to do? remain single for the rest of my life?” jeongin bites his lips and it makes hyunjin want to bite it too but he just grabs his collar and shoves him against the lockers, his knee stuck between the younger’s legs. “you’re a fucking cunt, yang jeongin. i don’t love you, never have, never will. you were just another twink i gladly fucked, but you know what? changbin’s  _ way more _ skilled.” it’s whispered angrily in jeongin’s ear and, finally, it breaks.

 

they don’t remember who throws the first punch - it takes a split second and then they’re on the floor, their hands balled up in fists. jeongin’s on top for a few seconds and hyunjin cuts his lips on his own teeth and he sees  _ red _ ; then jeongin’s spitting blood and something cracks at the next hook, pain flashing through his nose. he whines and his vision gets blurry with blood and tears and he doesn’t know if it’s from the pain of being punched or the humiliation of having been used as a fucking sextoy - his leg shoots up and his knee hits hyunjin’s stomach, effectively knocking the air out of his lungs.

that’s when professors get finally involved, the students’ yells attracting too much attention. jeongin hears seungmin calling him in a frightened shriek, and then it’s pitch black.

  
  


he wakes up to the sound of his own heart beating, blinded by white walls and flinching at the pain that shoots through his face. he tries to touch it and swallows a groan - that’s when he realizes that he’s not alone, the worried faces of his mother and seungmin blurred by the dizziness. “jeongin, do you hear me?” a nod, hurt and slow. “how’re you feeling?” “like absolute shit.” mrs. yang chokes on a shocked breath and seungmin refrains an hysterical laughter, pressing the button to call up the nurse.

 

“dude, he broke your nose. that motherfucker broke your nose.” this time it’s jeongin that stifles a laugh when his mother pulls at seungmin’s ear muttering about the youth’s language, right before she turns to her son and lets out a desperate sigh. “what happened with this boy, jeongin? you’ve never been into a fight before.” he licks his lips and opens his mouth to give her some evasive answer but the nurse beats him to it, barging in with a grin too wide and a voice too high-pitched. it hurts jeongin’s head, and he already hates her.

 

she changes his bandage and gives him painkillers and suddenly he doesn’t hate her that much; she leaves with his mother to settle administrative shit, and jeongin’s left alone with a worried-looking seungmin. “listen, i know what you’re going to say. i shouldn’t have done that, i’m aware. but he said some... things and now i don’t know anything anymore.” he’s tired and his last high school’s year wasn’t supposed to start off with a broken nose and a shattered heart but it does and it’s so  _ fucking _ exhausting. “he never loved me. you were right, seungmin, i shouldn’t have let him break me.”

 

seungmin’s jaw tightens and he’s  _ pissed _ but jeongin’s eyes fill with tears and he looks like he’s about to break down again so seungmin swallows his anger and suddenly he’s on jeongin’s bed, hugging him until his broken parts are put together again. they spend a rough hour like this, then jeongin has to stay another couple nights at the hospital - when he finally gets out, he’s tender and all he wants is to melt in his mother’s embrace for the next month.

 

seungmin doesn’t do anything to hyunjin - he decides against it on the fifth day of the latter’s absence, bailing on school and basically disappearing from their lives. he comes back a rough week and a half later, the shade of a black eye fading on his sharp face. he looks divine and ichor drips through the cuts on his lips and knuckles and that’s how they know he’s a god; that’s how they know he’s immortal.

 

jeongin’s the last to see him - so much that he doesn’t even notice he’s here until hyunjin’s right in front of him, shaking in red and contained anger. “hi, jeongin.” and then he just leaves and they’re all puzzled but jeongin acts like he doesn’t care, muttering about weird ass boys and how high school is going to be the death of him.

 

falling back in their habit of avoiding each other is almost too easy - jeongin’s always looking for a mope of dark, soft hair and hyunjin waits for a braced smile, full of white teeth and merriness. it doesn’t happen on either side and, somehow, they’re feeling so empty it kind of hurts. but when they do talk, when they’re forced to interact in class and other stuff, it’s ice-cold and laced with wicked cutting remarks.

  
  


the next time they really talk, it’s in the middle of a party at jisung’s - once again. it’s in february and there’s biting drafts of wind that shake the windows; it’s already two a.m and half of the guests are smashed drunk, sleeping on the floor and the couches. jeongin’s smoking a pot, sitting on the kitchen’s worktop - it’s his first one, he’s not even feeling it yet, when hyunjin comes into the kitchen, he’s breathless and itchy all over.

 

it’s unhealthy, in a dirty way, how he still wants to be punched in the face. how he wants hyunjin to grab him by the throat and ruin him; yet he does. he wants to be ruined and needs purple marks to blossom on his milky skin, wants his bones broken just to  _ feel _ something and to have  _ proof _ . he wants to make hyunjin feel it with him - wants hyunjin to look at him like he used to.

hyunjin’s been getting good with this avoiding thing; jeongin’s fed up, ironically. “hey. you’re going to act like i’m not here?”

 

it’s bitter and bites angry on the edges. hyunjin snorts as he rummages through the fridge, looking for something to eat. “i said hey. and i have pizza slices.” he’s playing with fire, tomato sauce messily dripping on his chin - but he doesn’t care. he’s flying, not falling anymore. no one can make him fall, not even hwang hyunjin.

that is, until said hyunjin slides between his legs and tugs, harsh and precise, on his hair.

 

a moan rips out of jeongin’s throat, more pizza bits spilling on his bottom lip. it slashes a smile on hyunjin’s face, who lets his thumb drag against the plump flesh to wipe it off. “you don’t even know how to fucking eat. jeongin, you’re a disaster.” he whispers it right before he licks his thumb and something clicks inside jeongin’s mind, a shift forcing him to slide his legs around hyunjin’s hips. “and here you are, cleaning me.” it’s supposed to be angered, the loud sound of his throat swallowing the munched pizza - but it’s too tender and there’s a tired glint in his eyes.

 

there’s another sharp word on the tip of his tongue but hyunjin overtakes him and suddenly there’s another tongue in his mouth and there’re fingers tugging harshly at his hair and he grinds down against hyunjin - his nails dig in the latter’s shoulders and it’s all raw and harsh and so void of love it makes them ache with every fiber of their being.

and then, it’s gone. hyunjin detangles himself from jeongin’s limbs and he’s licking his lips and  _ smirking _ with a slice of pizza between his slender fingers. “thanks, innie. get home safe, yeah?”

  
  


it goes on like this for a good fucking while; hyunjin grabbing him out of the blue by the waist and biting down  _ hard _ on his lip when no one’s looking, then leaving as if it was nothing - jeongin shoving him against a wall and aggressively making out with him, just to leave him breathless and a little dizzy. they’re both walking on a tight rope but they don’t care because it feels  _ good _ to see swollen lips and flushed cheeks on the one person you’re drawn to.

  
  


“jeongin, you can’t keep doing that. it’s messed up, you know?” they’re sitting on the roof of seungmin’s house, sipping on orange-flavoured caprisun and counting the stars. jeongin’s head is on seungmin’s lap and he’s trying to decipher the constellations - “you see that little cluster of stars over there? it’s ursa major.” “really?” “i don’t know. it could be!” - but when the silence’s settled, seungmin rips it off with his oh so mature words.

“i know. i think i don’t care.”

 

that’s how he knows he’s in love, somehow; he doesn’t care if hyunjin bruises him, if he ends up with broken bones and shattered pieces. “he’ll put me back together.” it’s whispered but even the stars hear it and he disdainfully thinks they agree - it’s the beauty of the feeling, after all. being willing to give your all, lending the other the power to tear you apart with their bare hands. seungmin sighs, but doesn’t argue; he knows it’s no use, and promises himself to pick every part of jeongin from the floor, when hyunjin lets him down.

  
  


jeongin locks his heart up. he’s closed the next time hyunjin comes at him, because it’s been a long day and there’s anxiety that drips against his bones and the fear of facing the future that bites at his flesh. he’s feeling raw and tender and doesn’t even react as the older boy tackles him in the school’s toilets, hands grabbing harshly at his hips and cutting his name on his skin in red, angry scratches. he’s about to kiss his soul out of his mouth when he finally realizes how jeongin’s off, not even bothering to try and retake control over him. 

 

so, instead of devouring him with too much teeth and tension, he presses a soft kiss on his lips and sweetly licks into his mouth, cupping his face and suddenly it feels like their first year, tastes like the sun and scars empty promises inside their souls. it’s way too gentle and it shakes jeongin awake - he shoves hyunjin away and looks like a deer caught in headlights in the middle of the night. “jeongin, wai-”

but he’s already gone, running off to wash his mouth and stitch his heart up.

 

they’re playing a dangerous game and one of them has lost it - whether it’s hyunjin and his feelings exposed or jeongin and his ripped open ribcage, they don’t know. maybe they lost it from the broken nose incident, maybe there wasn’t a game to begin with; it was a slaughter, and now there’s no one left.

  
  


jeongin goes back to ignoring him and hyunjin is going crazy - the sun’s fading in the distance, overshadowed by clouds and a whole lot of rain. he’s fuming, he’s burning and he  _ needs _ to punch something.

sadly, that something’s minho; they were kind of friends, meeting through soft-looking flower boy jisung. but they also were like ice and fire, one melting around his feelings and the other burying them deep, deep down - minho had long since then broken jisung’s heart, and hyunjin took it really bad. but up until now, the tension was underlying, hidden between polite smiles and nice hellos.

 

it’s 5 p.m and hyunjin’s with jisung, smoking and feeling his lungs churn in disgust; he’s on edge and minho has to just come and shoot a teasing wink at some chick right in front of jisung - the younger’s hand freeze for a split second in the air, just as hyunjin’s about to give him his cigarette. it’s so discreet hyunjin almost misses it but it’s there, in jisung’s eyes and right above the curl of his lips. it’s ugly, really. heartbreak’s ugly.

 

and it makes him snap, as he drops his bag and surges on minho - somehow he was waiting for it and the first punch is dropped against hyunjin’s jaw, breaking something inside his mouth. there’s blood in it but he doesn’t care, clawing at the other’s face as if he was trying to gouge his eyes out; it’s messy and his knee sinks in minho’s stomach, his elbow clashes against his back. he feels awful and whole all the same, the pain shooting through each of his muscle fueling him to keep going. but then there’s minho’s friends and it goes from a fight to a slaughter - his nose breaks against the concrete floor and blood floods on his face and suddenly he can’t get up and the noise around feels so far away, until he hears jeongin’s voice. he makes out a few words - something like “you fucking moron!” - and a smile stretches the deep cut on his lip and he coughs more blood but he doesn’t really care, because jeongin’s by his side wiping his face with cotton sleeves and at the moment, it’s all that matters. the ambulance’s wail is the last thing he hears before fainting.

  
  


he wakes up alone in pristine sheets and gets blinded by the white walls but there’s a note on the bedside table and it fills the void in his ribcage with pink and blue waves; messy handwriting spelling  _ watch yourself, stupid motherfucker _ and it’s quavery but he doesn’t care - hyunjin doesn’t seem to care a lot about anything but jeongin, lately. his mother comes a few hours later, kissing his pain away and he laughs a little, childhood memories flooding in his mind. she used to press butterfly kisses on his face when he cried, her own bloody and swollen from some violent kind of love. but today she’s okay, the bruises are fading away. his wounds are as fresh as hers are old - and the smile she sends his way is barely enough to keep him warm for the night. “take care, son.”

 

he stays three days in the hospital and jisung spends all his visit times apologizing and scolding him and he thinks he’s going crazy - then on the day he gets home there’s woojin, who waits for him in his bedroom with blood-covered knuckles and a sharky smile on his lips. “hey, little brother.” it’s kind of rough and his voice seems strained and somehow hyunjin knows something’s wrong with this, even more than with the red hands.

 

“wooj, what happened?” he sits on the bed with a tiredly satisfied sigh, lighting a cigarette. “y’know those little assholes that beat you up? well, i think they regret it, now.” he doesn’t elaborate - it’s enough, coupled with the wicked glint in his eyes, to tell hyunjin what really happened. he feels bad, he feels guilty, and his brother has never looked so much like his father.

they don’t talk a lot, hyunjin feeling dizzy with the painkillers; they don’t mention jeongin either, that’s for another day. at least, that’s what hyunjin wants to think.

 

but jeongin barges in his life a few hours later - around 2 a.m, with a bloody nose and tears staining his milky cheeks. it’s the sound of rocks thrown at his window that stirs him from his slumber and he’s about to wake woojin up, thinking it’s minho’s friends seeking revenge; but when he sees the soft, young boy sitting on his bench sobbing in his backyard, something breaks inside his head. he bolts out of his room and jumps over the fence - his limbs whine at the sudden pressure but he doesn’t care and crouches next to jeongin, hands nudging his knees to slide between them.

 

“hi.” jeongin sniffles and wipes at his nose, cringing at the pain; he’s a total mess and it should disgust hyunjin but he’s filled with nothing but raw feelings, still too much of a coward to name it. “hey, firefly. you wanna talk about it? just tell me who did it.” he thinks of minho’s friends, once again - if he recalls correctly, one of them’s called jungkook. he’s already planning to murder them one by one when the answer comes out, tender and barely whispered, almost swallowed by the wind. “it’s my father.”

 

hyunjin’s grip on the younger’s knees tightens for a split second and it takes all of his self-control to not snap right here; instead he rubs soft patterns on jeongin’s knees and ends up taking his hand, pulling him into his house. “come, you can stay the night.” he doesn’t know why jeongin’s here and not at seungmin’s, but he does know why it floods the gaping holes of his ribcage with nothing but pink cotton candy. he guides him through the house and sits him on the toilets’ throne, rummaging through the bathroom’s drawers to find his mother’s first-aid kit.

 

when he cleans jeongin’s face, it strikes them both - the fatigue sips in their muscles and strains them. it’s not the kind of exhausted that hits you at the end of a day; it’s the insomnia-induced one, the kind that makes you feel like you’ve been holding the world on your shoulders for far too long. and hyunjin’s patching up jeongin’s cut eyebrows’ arch and suddenly he’s not looking at the wounds but right into his eyes and he’s licking his lips and when jeongin’s eyes follow the swipe of his tongue he  _ glitches _ .

 

he could use his vulnerability, right now - jeongin looks so small and he’s shaking and hyunjin never wants to see him like that again. he could take advantage of it all and force out some half-assed confession. instead he bends over him and cups his face with soft fingers, searching for any discomfort in his eyes; when he doesn’t find any, he presses a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth, holding a smile back as jeongin’s hand flies up to his head, guiding him square on his lips.

 

somehow, it’s different and similar to their other kisses - hyunjin cuts himself on jeongin’s braces but it doesn’t hurt enough for him to draw back. he’s used to the sting. it starts as chaste, just lips against lips but soon tongues join in and it turns into something more; jeongin gets lifted off his seat and suddenly he’s on hyunjin’s lap, squeezing him between his thighs. he’s a little desperate and gives up control in a few seconds, melting inside the older’s embrace; he needs the guidance, the press of hands on his hips.

 

then hyunjin breaks the kiss and he feels breathless and high on sugar and the smile that stretches on his swollen lips is way too giddy for his own taste. “let’s get you to bed, yeah?” he’s already thinking of sleeping on the floor and strangely doesn’t mind, until they’re on his room and jeongin’s sleepily pouting for him to join him on the bed. “i don’t wanna sleep alone, hyung.” it’s laced with some kind of inner fear that hyunjin can’t decipher but he gladly slides under the covers and spoons him, peppering butterfly kisses on the back of his neck until jeongin’s breath evens out, until his quiet giggles turn into sweet, sleepy sighs.

they both have one of the best night of their life.

  
  


when morning comes, jeongin’s the first one to wake up. he’s trapped in hyunjin’s embrace, their legs tangled and the older’s arms squeezing him close - it stretches his lips on a smile but, when he tries to move, the soreness of his muscles brings him back to the night before. “you don’t wanna talk about it?” hyunjin mumbles and he’s dead tired but he also felt the stiffness of jeongin’s body, his fingers flying to stroke his soft locks.

 

he clears his throat, searching words at the back of his mind. he turns around and his face is mere inches away from hyunjin and it makes him short-circuit again - some things don’t change. “some guy told his father about… us. and his father told my dad. he beat me up two summers ago, but i didn’t care.”  _ i was already heartbroken _ , he doesn’t say. hyunjin hears it anyway. “we didn’t talk about it then, i thought i was going to be okay since you and i weren’t a… thing anymore.” he tries to keep a straight face but hurt flashes red in his eyes and hyunjin - hyunjin hates himself. “but then we started this other thing and when i got back with bruises and hickeys all over my fucking neck, he just kind of snapped.” but it was a long time ago - with jeongin bailing on school for a week. “yesterday, he had invited kim taehyung’s father at our place, to congratulate his son for sending you to the hospital.” his voice is hoarse with unshed tears and buried sobs, but with each stroke of hyunjin’s knuckles, he feels a little braver.

 

“this time, i was the one to snap. and he didn’t take it very well.” he beat him up a few seconds after the kims were gone, using his bare hands to break his bones; jeongin ran away and somehow ended up in front of hyunjin’s house. “i don’t regret it,” he whispers as a conclusion, not daring to look into the other’s eyes - it feels like roses stuffed in hyunjin’s mouth and the taste is too sweet to be true. his forefinger presses against jeongin’s chin and he lifts it up gently and their lips brush and jeongin feels holy.

 

jeongin used to scratch his name between hyunjin’s bones; he used to bite hunger in his flesh, and spell want along his spine. this time he’s whispering promises against his soul and caressing desire on his skin and kissing love in his smile. his hands brushes against hyunjin’s cheek and he doesn’t even try to deepen the kiss, satisfied with the gentle touches and the teasing nips.

 

“jin, i’m so tired of all of this.” he’s feeling bold and inches closer to him, carding his hair with loving knuckles and exhausted gestures. “i can’t do this anymore, it’s eating me away.” he’s fading somehow, melting between strong arms and tender lips. hyunjin nods and licks his lips with nervosity and uncertainty - he’s unsure of what to say and for once he’s the one needing guidance, jeongin nudging words out of his throat with a smile and expecting eyes. “yeah, i know. i think i can’t either.”  _ so what now _ , jeongin doesn’t say. “i need to talk to you.”

 

something bends inside jeongin’s heart and hyunjin kisses it away immediately, scared that he wouldn’t understand what he means - god, he doesn’t even know who’s shaking, at this point. “wait, hear me out, okay? stop thinking - stop thinking right now.” he laughs and rubs his nose against his cheek, soft and adoring. “i used to use sex as a weapon, i think. i won’t tell you my story today, it’s for another time. but love was a threat. feelings were an omen, and me catching them was… a glitch.” his voice is kind of sore and he’s stumbling on his words, tongue heavy inside his mouth. “i was sure i wouldn’t fall in love, everyone kept telling me how godly i was, how being loved would turn me into a murderer. but then you barged into my life.”

 

he lets it sinks in, watches how jeongin’s features scrunch from one emotion to another. “bukowski wrote something like  _ find love, and let it kill you _ but i’m pretty sure that bastard never felt on the verge of dying. i think you’re killing me jeongin, and what scares me the most is that i’m willing to let you slit my throat with your kindness.” he’s shitting his pants because it’s raw and it wasn’t supposed to come out so intense but it has - and jeongin’s on the brink of tears and then they’re kissing and pouring their everything inside the other.

the waves hit jeongin’s back and break his bones.

  
(there is no  _ i love you _ . jeongin whispered it once, and it ripped the sky open and ate the stars raw. hyunjin thought it once, and it made the sun burn and the clouds weep in utter fear. the world is ending at the tip of their tongues and their fingers are drawing patterns on one another’s skin. they don’t care anymore - perhaps they never did.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus christ i can't help but rant nd rant nd rant  
> SOOOO thats it for hyunin. well, actually, i have some news. this ending? is not the real one. like, i have a concrete ending (not written yet), but it's not useful if you don't intend to read the other parts. so, i'll slip it in either woojin's part or in a bonus chapter. i won't tell ya if the ending is happy or sad cuz im a whore, but yeah. you can stick with this one if you want  
> thanks for reading this, it means a lot to me (even if you don't give me kudos or comments, i don't care)(well, i do care, im still an insecure hoe but. i mean. if you enjoyed, thats the point).  
> next is woojin's part, it'll be out next week hopefully! im not finished with it so i can't promise but yeah, ill try

**Author's Note:**

> you thought i was gone didnt you  
> im not gonna ramble this time but if you want  
> here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/IL0VELIX), you can scream at me about stray kids (btw: congratz to all the stays in the world for the 10M views on i am you im proud of everyone even if you didnt stream i dont care i love you) or if you just wanna talk about anything my DMs are open!!!  
> also, another moodboard [right here](https://vevamavi.tumblr.com/post/179379152543/link-coming-soon-eyes-closed-an-high-school)!!!  
> thats it im gonna go now  
> kudos nd comments are appreciated but still not mandatory dont forget to drink lots of water you fools


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